Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Whoops...

Right, so this whole I-will-post-something-every-so-often thing has been going well...

I am terrible at keeping to things like this.

Which is why doing NaNoWriMo is not exactly a thing to be expected from me. I last tried three or so years ago, but then I got The Flu Of The Swine and a chest infection and my mother decided it wasn't a good plan any more. She was right, but I was having fun. So I was even grumpier for a few days.

Then I changed schools, had exams to revise for... and then my brain decided what would be REALLY awesome was if it decided to bash a whole lot of mental illnesses into each other just to see what happens. And then, like one of those gobstoppers, the more we dealt with the more there was to do. So this year I told my brain to sit down and shut up already because writing is still one of my favourite things ever. It doesn't matter I'm horrible at it, just that it makes me feel... better than I was before.

I do still write, it's just for me and no one else can see it, but the I-could-do-NaNo thought grabbed me in it's teeth and before I knew it it had turned from "Maybe" to "I will do this if it kills me." I blame Geraldine.

All while knowing on the second of November I have to be at my Grandma's funeral. And therefore will be a complete mess. And many psychiatrists are meeting about me to hammer out which of the many psychiatric hospitals I should go to, day patient, inpatient...

I suppose I want to be an inpatient again, in a way. There was structure and people who understood, or at least understood they didn't understand and I knew what the actual thingumy was happening when. Apart from the room debacle and a couple of the staff, but I think that was mostly because I couldn't communicate with them. Apparently I 'split the staff'' between those who thought "Talk, write something, send smoke signals already! It is not hard!" to the ones who thought. "Right so... no communication. Um, ok. We'll just work around that. This could be interesting."

I feel guilty about that to be honest.

Anyway. October is almost over so who knows? Maybe there will be new month developments. I'm not sure if I'm eager or terrified. Both I suppose.

Look after yourself, ok?